He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
