he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
