There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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