pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
