I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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