If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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