You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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