I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
