he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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