We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
