I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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