My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you will always have a special place in my vag
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Vodka?
Forever.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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