i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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