alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
is it fun? or sober?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
