She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
