how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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