jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
