I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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