their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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