Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Couch. On fire.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
