Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
