dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
