If that was your dad, he is hot
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Michael Bay diarrhea
she smelled like a LAN party
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
