can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
