We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
