would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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