if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
