this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
