Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
