Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
