Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
