Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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