I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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