I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
