im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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