I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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