did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
