What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
