Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
