Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I will pee on everything he values.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
