After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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