Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
