dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
