Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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