The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
