Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
