Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
