He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
