I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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