it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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