Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
FUCK WHALES
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize