he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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