Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
When did angry sex become our thing?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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