I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
