so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
