I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
