I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
