Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
