just tell him i said nine months
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
