Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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