i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
