So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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