thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
