WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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